By Sabrina Cognata

Last week I said it was my professional opinion that SCRUBS sucks—actually, I think it’s always sucked, but this season is exceptionally sucky.  Sucky is a technical term I learned in 8th grade that I find appropriately applicable in this case.  Actually, I am going to have to watch stupid SCRUBS again just to remember whatever happened in that stupid show, which goes to show how terrible SCRUBS has become.

Without any further adieu, here are the three major issues being tackled in this weeks episode:  Janitor (Neil Flynn) has put his personality on hold for his new ladfriend, Lady; the other doctors sabotage J.D.’s (Zach Braff) reign as the number one doctor on the Rate My Doctor website; and finally Elliot (Sarah Chalke) has to deal with the fact that her ALS patient is trying to commit suicide.  As you can probably tell, the storyline is tired and boring just like my mother.

First of all, Janitor’s got a woman.  It’s a big deal that this big oaf is taking steps to humanize himself, but according to Carla (Judy Reyes) the fact that Janitor is pretending to be someone else will jeopardize his relationship.  She starts to rant about this to Kelso (Ken Jenkins) until Kelso has to be like THE ONLY IMPORTANT THINGS IN MY LIFE ARE FREE MUFFINS AND HARRY POTTER, but then Carla does what she does best and manipulates Kelso into acting like her female sidekick.  It’s pathetic beyond human comprehension. 


Eventually, Carla confronts Janitor about this and Janitor decides to tell Lady about himself by spilling the fact that he’s into stuffing dead animals with other dead animals.  Carla has to intervene because Lady looks at Janitor like he just disemboweled her family during Christmas dinner.  She tells Janitor to let the crazy out a little at a time that way he can monitor how Lady takes things and I guess this means someone that isn’t a trailer trash whore is going to want to date someone that washes toilets.

While this is going on the doctors are battling it out on a site called Rate My Doctor, where the patients rate the doctors, duh.  Magically, J.D.’s stunning besides manner comes out and he’s the top doctor in the hospital.  Turk’s (Donald Faison) jealousy gets the best of him and along with Dr. Cox (John C. McGinley) having the most terrible doctor in the hospital impersonate J.D., which sends his rating plummeting to the bottom.  J.D. confronts Turk about this and Turk offers to do something for J.D. to make it up to him—J.D. wants a unicorn and since this isn’t a feasible gift, he agrees to allow Turk to throw a basketball game in front of the nurses to make J.D. look so much cooler. 

Finally, you have Elliot and her ALS patient.  The patient wants to kill herself before she becomes entombed in her own body.  No matter what, ALS is going to kill her so it’s not like the decision to kill herself a few months or weeks earlier is that big of a deal.  The patient says that it should be her choice so she can die under her own circumstances with her dignity.  Once Elliot hears her side of the story she decides that intervening would be more troublesome than turning a blind-eye, and she sends the patient home without mentioning her suicidal tendencies to her home care nurse.


I guess we’re all supposed to be really impressed by the fact that these characters are growing and maturing, but that’s a stupid idea.  This season is boring and poorly written because producers are trying to show a personal development or something because the show is going to end.  Now that there’s the writer’s strike this show is going to end on a boring lame note with a stupid unimportant episode that wasn’t intended to be their ending.  Hilarious.