Saturday, December 22, 2007 Rant Archive
I haven’t seen this movie in a while, like what, since 1994 when I was 13-years-old. And if you’re wondering what a 13-year-old is doing watching a stupid movie like this, then you have never been 13 and stuck at the movie theater without a grownup in your entire life. So my little sister is like, “HEY, THIS MOVIE IS SILLY, REMEMBER SANTA IS ON SCOTT CALVIN’S (Tim Allen) ROOF AND FALLS OFF AND DIES!” Oh, that’s right, Scott Calvin! How could I forget?
I have to admit, being a fan of more adult-themed Pixar fare like THE INCREDIBLES, I saw the teaser trailer for this film and gave a contemptuous shoulder-shrug. Allow me to rescind that gross misconception by saying THIS MOVIE LOOKS AWESOME! Is it just me, or do these CGI films seem to be getting more and more photo-realistic with every outing? WALL-E looks like he could have been photographed wheeling around, maintaining an actual junkyard!
Hello, culture lovers. My name is Curt Schleier and I am a freelance writer. I like working alone because I tend to piss people off. I currently live in a monastery. When I first moved there I was surprised at how quickly I got all the monks angry; none of them would talk to me. Turned out they took a vow silence. Who knew? At least they leave me alone to contemplate.
BATTLESTAR GALACTICA: RAZOR is an extended, tie-in episode that weaves new narrative threads into the established plotlines of GALACTICA’s first three seasons. While this approach prevents any shocking developments, RAZOR still manages to shine a new light on the BATTLESTAR universe we thought we knew.
Since I’m pretty sure the entire English-speaking community--and some others as well--knows the story of Charles Dickens’ A CHRISTMAS CAROL, I can skip major plotlines for SCROOGED—a modern-day adaptation of the story. But for those who may have missed the movie (God forbid), I’ll give you a quick breakdown.
THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN is considerably one of the greatest western flicks of all time. They certainly don’t make them like this anymore. I’m talking about both the movie and the actors. Gosh, the case of THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN is an array of masculinity forgotten in Hollywood, traded in for the beaming femininity of current heartthrobs Jonathan Rhys Meyer, Orlando Bloom and Jude Law. Too bad all of those guys cry a lot and worry about their fashion sense and have absolutely no idea how to be manly—maybe it’s the fact that all of them are British, but that is an argument for another day.
The Charlie Wilson of CHARLIE WILSON’S WAR is a real life character in every sense of the word “character.” He represented a Texas congressional district that seemed to have few needs. Wilson was able to vote for everyone else’s pork projects without asking favors in return; as a result, he built up a lot of markers among his colleagues. He was also a totally likable guy, with a fondness for white powder, good booze and fast women. He staffed his office with attractive young women on the theory that “You can teach anyone to type but you can’t teach them to grow tits.”