By Faith McQuinn
Since I’m pretty sure the entire English-speaking community--and some others as well--knows the story of Charles Dickens’ A CHRISTMAS CAROL, I can skip major plotlines for SCROOGED—a modern-day adaptation of the story. But for those who may have missed the movie (God forbid), I’ll give you a quick breakdown.
Frank Cross (played by the CADDYSHACK version of Bill Murray) is the Scrooge of this story. Frank is the president of IBN television network, and he’s a complete asshole. He is the mastermind behind a Christmas Eve live production of “Scrooge” which stars Mary Lou Retton as Tiny Tim, Jamie Farr as Jacob Marley, and Buddy Hackett as Scrooge. Oh, and somehow he’s fit in the Solid Gold dancers in extremely skimpy outfits.
The Ghost of Christmas Present (David Johansen) is a cigar-smoking taxi driver that reminds Frank he’s spent his entire life plopped in front of a TV set. The Ghost of Christmas Past is the wonderful Carol Kane who’s a sadistic ghost that shows Frank the true meaning of suffering by kicking him in the balls, punching him in the face, and hitting him with a toaster. The Ghost of Christmas Future is the hellish version of a walking television that has innards created by Jim Henson’s Workshop.
As I said before, SCROOGED is a retelling of A CHRISTMAS CAROL, and you’d think this fact would lump it in with the many variations out there. But anything that opens with an action sequence involving Santa Claus, elves, machine guns, and Lee Majors is in a class all by itself. I don’t think any other CHRISTMAS CAROL movie can be considered so demented.
Frank is nothing but crass and no one is at his mercy. On Christmas Eve, he manages to kill an 80-year-old woman with his twisted ultra-violent commercials, scare the crap out his assistant’s (Alfre Woodard) mute little boy, and insult the only true love of his life (Karen Allen). What makes it all so wickedly fantastic to watch is Bill Murray. Not the quiet, white-haired Bill of today. I’m talking about the angry, out-of-control, crazy man who did comedy in the eighties.
Even when Frank finally has a change of heart, Murray still approaches the newer, nicer Frank Cross with the same crazy enthusiasm. Instead of spreading the love with food and money as Dickens’ Scrooge did, Frank takes over the live airing of this darling show by getting Eliot Loudermilk (Bobcat Goldthwait) to take the control booth hostage. His speech may be heartwarming, but it still registers as a little deranged. And who doesn’t want the spirit of Christmas screamed at them across the airwaves?
The only downside is the happy-go-lucky ending. I guess you can’t have A CHRISTMAS CAROL without the miracle at the end. In the live production, Mary Lou Retton’s Tiny Tim was to throw away his crunches and do a double-tuck back flip something or another. In the actual movie, it’s Grace’s little mute son who finally utters the first words he’s said in five years, “God bless us, everyone!”
SCROOGED is also a bit dated. The hair, the costumes and the never-ending list of cameos keep SCROOGED firmly planted in the late eighties. But even with the saccharin ending and the eighties vibe, the message is very clear. People who are greedy have crappy lives and get hit with toasters. It’s a simple as that.
SCROOGED is a funny, angry, very cynical take a Christmas classic. If you like your comedy violent and over-the-top, be sure to put the kiddies to bed early and watch it again or for the first time.