By Sabrina Cognata
After a three-week hiatus the boys of NIP/TUCK are back and better than ever. Really, they are. Matt’s (John Hensley) melted face friend, Rachel, consults with Sean (Dylan Walsh) about some pain she’s been having in her face. Sean throws around a lot of medical terms and then Christian (Julian McMahon) walks in and cracks a joke. Sean and Rachel ask him to leave, but before he does he notices the real problem with Rachel is that she has an incisor stuck in her face. THE INCISOR OF THE SUICIDE BOMBER THAT BLEW HER UP. God, that is so awesome, someone get me the number of the idiot that comes up with these ideas, oh wait, that’s Ryan Murphy. RYAN MURPHY, MARRY ME!
Sean’s continues to be in a bad mood because Julia (Joely Richardson) and Christian are openly sleeping together. Openly with everyone but Olivia and that’s irking the hell out of Christian who throws a huge fit when Julia has a nose bleed in the middle of sexy times and he blames it on the fact that Julia cannot manage her own life. To get back at Christian, Sean decides to hire a giant-titted receptionist he knows will bait Christian into cheating on Julia. Christian decides to bang the receptionist anyways and then fires her citing that she’s a moron. Sean keeps her on staff anyways to make working painful for Christian. All hell’s breaking loose and then Dawn (Rosie O’Donnell) shows up and things get even crazier.
Apparently, Dawn loses it at the Gay Pride parade when she sees Adian (Bradley Cooper) grabbing her boytoy’s bitch tits and storms the parade route. In the ensuing chaos she’s run down by a angry lesbian motorcyclist and her face is actually driven off. Man, have I mentioned how awesome this show is yet? Then Sean decides to announce to Christian and Julia that he needs to get out, he needs his space, and he’s getting his own place. I think this is supposed to be shocking cause he’s going insane again and has been talking to Rachel’s suicide bomber inside his head and right before he tells Julia and Christian he imagines he’s got a bomb strapped to himself. OH MAN, CHEESE FACTOR.
Rachel has a meltdown with Sean and hearing her talk about getting rid of the bomber off her skin and how finding his tooth ignited old problems in a big way. Liz sees Freddie and confronts him about being gay and he ignores her. In a standoff between Dawn and the lesbian that drove over her face Freddie comes out of the closet and Dawn tells him she already knew cause she always ends up banging the closeted fags. How depressingly hilarious.
Finally, Sean hires a new receptionist, Gina and Christian flips out cause he hates her and has always hated her. Christian calls Sean A BITCH LITTLE CHEERLEADER and then he goads Sean into a fight and the two tear one another apart in a operating room brawl that is basically awesome too the max. And I guess this means it’s on between Christian and Sean and now I feel like I need a martini to celebrate the fact that this show is cooler than I will ever be. Ok, that’s a lie.