By Sabrina Cognata

I bet you will not be surprised when I admit that I hate this movie in ways that can only be described with forms of genital torture.  Here is the thing that you will never predict:  the part where Jane (Katherine Heigl) and Kevin (James Marsden) fall in love while getting drunk, singing Benny and the Jets and dancing on a bar is my idea of perfection.  So I guess the movie isn’t all bad, just mostly bad with a side of terrible romantic comedy. 

Meet Jane, she’s been a bridesmaid twenty-seven times.  Kevin notices her jetting between two weddings she’s maid-of-honor for that happen to be going on at the same time.  He helps her after she has been attacked by some crazy chick who is trying to capture the bridal bouquet.  He jumps in a cab with her and tells her that he’s been watching her go back and forth and starts questioning her about what she’s been up to for the evening.  She calls him a cynic, exits the cab and leaves her 1987 date planner behind.  Kevin decides to read it, realizing Jane’s a career bridesmaid and the perfect angle for a feature story. 

Jane goes back to her boring life and we realize she’s super in love with her boss, George (Ed Burns).  It is the sort of pathetic crush that makes you want to commit suicide for the main character.  Shortly after, Jane’s sister Tess (Malin Ackerman) shows up and George immediately falls in love with her, leaving Jane to feel stupid, left out and angry.  Tess notices that Jane has all these stupid clippings from the Commitment section and they’re all by the same writer.  Meanwhile, Kevin’s selling the story of Jane’s feature article to his editor and is trying to cleverly court Jane.  At first Jane wants nothing to do with him and basically wants to be angry that her crush is enamored with her sister.  Tess decides the best course of action is to become George’s dream woman and modifies her behavior in a ton of ways to further enchant George.  This makes Jane crazy. 


Eventually, George proposes to Tess and Jane becomes even more upset.  Kevin uses this as his opportunity to infiltrate Jane’s life by writing a piece in the Commitments section of the New York Journal about George and Tess.  When he shows up Jane puts two and two together and realizes Kevin is the writer she’s been pining over and Tess immediately admits it.  While talking to Jane he sees her closet filled with 27 dresses and they have a stupid fashion show and it’s easy to see that Kevin’s taken with her.  He tries to keep his article from being published and asks his editor for a week to iron out some problems.

Jane guesses that Kevin hates weddings so much because he had a fairytale one and then the marriage ended disastrously.  It turns out that she guesses right, his wife ran away with his best man and former college roommate.  Things heat up even more after Jane gets her car stuck in the mud and the two end up drinking shots, singing Benny and the Jets terribly while dancing on a bar and having sex in the back of her car.  HOT.  Everything seems to be going perfectly in the post coital realm until the waitress notices that Jane is the 27 Dresses girl from the Commitment section.  Jane flips out at Kevin.  After this Jane goes on a mission to make everyone unhappy and she uses the slideshow at her sister’s rehearsal dinner to seek her vengeance.  She shows the truth about her sister to George and then the wedding is called off.  Kevin happens to be there and tells her that he came to support her and is leaving forever, but first he hands her a blackberry and asks her to join the 21st century.  How romantic. 


Jane’s father makes her apologize to her sister and Jane learns that everything isn’t perfect for Tess.  The two kiss and makeup cause that is what sisters do.  Later, George calls Jane cause he needs a date to a charity event.  For one reason or another they kiss and Jane says she feels no magic.  Just then her phone rings and the tone is Benny and the Jets, and let’s face it, nothing says love like Benny and the Jets.  Jane races over to Kevin who’s covering his last wedding and she admits her affections for him and they race off into the cynical sunset just like I would have hoped.  I bet they’re divorced in six months.