By Buzz Byrne

When I think of all the positive things San Diego has given America I think of SIMON & SIMON, Ron Burgundy and readily available antibiotics to help clear up a vaguely remembered trip to Tijuana. When I think of the awful things San Diego has contributed to our society I think of Phillip Rivers and football coaches who can’t win in January, disgraced US Representative Duke Cunningham and that creepy guy who was trying to hang around the REAL WORLD: SAN DIEGO house. The guy with the twelve gauge earrings…ew.

This is where AMERICAN IDOL has stopped this week in the continuing first round of auditions for season seven. Now, the big story is that viewership is down already and considering the ratings giant AI has been in years past, coupled with the deluge of repeats and unusually vile time-wasters on network TV due to the WGA strike, this fact is almost unthinkable (could America have finally grown tired of Ryan??? Somewhere a Dunkleman chuckles).


Since the show is an hour package at this point we are subjected to fewer freaks and more stories to line up support behind contenders. I already have a favorite. Of course there was a mime, a girl dressed as a lobster and a strange gentleman named Alberto. He had paper fans, extra long finger nails and wrote his own song for his audition. I don’t know how I feel about giving this guy more attention considering he, “Gets so lost in my imaginations…I kind of live there.” Alberto didn’t make it but his life coach or some other hanger-oner type that allows this type of mental illness to thrive said he is very, “Talented, artistic…floral.” Definite plant life, for sure.

Marat, Christopher and Tehilla all embarrassed themselves and got a no. Valerie set herself up by comparing herself to “Mariah Carey.” “Carry on luggage” would have been more accurate. Blake auditioned for the eleventh time and broke his stage mom’s empty heart when the judges took an eleventh pass. There is not enough water in the world for the shower you need after watching a stage mom screw up a kid like this.

As for the golden ticket crowd, Samantha is in love with Simon and gets to see him again in Hollywood. Michael from Australia sang Otis Redding and I didn’t want to punch his lights out. Perrie is a single father and told a sad tale of how he got that way while holding his three year old son. Luckily he didn’t stink so he moves on. David had vocal paralysis and recovered enough to move on. Not bad for a sixteen year old. Tetiana had a unique quality, namely I hope she gets on a great big stage and falls right the eff off. Despite that she is moving on to the next round.


But the story that hooked me good was Carly Smithson’s. She had been approved by the judges in season five but a visa problem disqualified her from the show. And while that all sounded a bit sketchy, her regret around the incident wasn’t sketchy at all. She was devastated by it and had finally worked up the courage to re-audition. She has talent so that works for her. She seems genuinely sincere which works as well. She has a tattoo artist for a husband who is shy about all the tats on his face and how that might affect how his wife is looked at so that got me as well. I know I’m a sap but they won me over. I hope her actual singing talent is as big as it seems in this early stage.