By Brandon Nolta

THE SIMPSONS, “That ‘90s Show”:  Ah, a new SIMPSONS episode! Thanks to moving, I missed out on the last new one, but now I can get back to the Sunday night shenanigans of Homer and the gang. A little cleaning goes a long way toward heating the house, as the kids discover during an outage. While looking for something to burn, the kids find Marge’s old college diploma from Springfield University, which prompts a trip down Memory Lane as Homer and Marge relive the heady years of the ‘90s. Did you think that Homer was born into his nuclear plant gig? Why, no; he was a musician, whose dreams of success he thought he had to put on hold for Marge’s education. Working at his dad’s laser tag emporium, Homer gladly put up with pistol-whipping on a regular basis for Marge’s studies.

However, Marge is learning about more than history, as one of her professors sets his eye on her and woos her with carefully applied academic double-talk. Sensing that he’s losing Marge, Homer does the only thing that makes sense to him: he invents grunge music. That’s right; Seattle owes their grunge notoriety to Homer. Modify your history books accordingly. Anyway, driven apart by the eternal townie-college debate, Marge and Homer break up, leaving Marge to her sophisticated professor boyfriend and Homer to his increasing success and wealth in the music world.

Unfortunately, Marge soon finds that the professor is more wind than anything else, and leaves the academic ass behind, just in time to save Homer from his own success and diabetes brought on by a frappacino addiction. See, it’s both romantic and educational, like all great episodes should be. As a person who came of age in the 1990s, this look back really did a lot to ruin my formerly fond memories of the decade, so thanks, Matt Groening et al. Other than that, it was great.

THE SIMPSONS, “Little Orphan Millie”: Rerun time! Milhouse’s folks are getting remarried, which should be good news, right? As with everything else in the universe of Homer, the wedding is just another opportunity for Homer to make a huge tactical error. In this case, he admits to Marge that he doesn’t know what color her eyes are. Anyway, while Milhouse is hanging with the Simpsons, his folks manage to fall off the cruise ship and are believed dead.

Milhouse then moves in with the Simpsons, but even that isn’t sufficient to help Milhouse shake his depression … until an encounter with Maggie convinces Milhouse to start acting like a man, i.e. an existential loner. Meanwhile, Homer, who is becoming ever more desperate, continues to take a beating in a battle of wits with Marge.

Fortunately, old man Simpson reminds Homer of a song he wrote that pulls him back into Marge’s good graces. Meanwhile, Bart’s effort to cure Milhouse of his sadness by bringing his super-cool uncle from California to Springfield backfires when Milhouse decides to move away. But, it all ends nicely when Bart, Milhouse and Uncle Zack end up stranded on the same desert island with Milhouse’s parents. Good stuff. Even the bit with the tarantulas.

FAMILY GUY, “Peter’s Daughter”: More reruns! Flash floods have hit Quahog, and the Griffin house is quickly turning into a houseboat. Peter sends Meg off to rescue his beer, and due to an accident, Meg nearly drowns in the process. A comatose Meg is brought to the hospital, where she stays out until a handsome young doctor shows up on rounds. Will romance blossom?

On the shorter side of the family, Stewie convinces Brian to go into real estate investing with him, starting with a rundown house in the neighborhood. Anyway, the terrible twosome grab their tools … not remotely what I meant, you pervs … and start working on the house. This can’t go wrong. In a completely unrelated development, Peter’s overprotectiveness drives Meg’s latest potential boyfriend away. Unfortunately, it turns out that Meg is not only rejected, she’s pregnant. The mind boggles at where this will go.

Meanwhile, Stewie and Brian find themselves over their heads with the house renovation. Stewie, being the practical type, decides to burn the place down for the insurance, neglecting to warn the electrician in the house before doing so. There’s probably a trip to hell in this plot development for somebody, but by episode’s end, you might have a hard time figuring out who’s booked. Whee!

AMERICAN DAD, “Oedipal Panties”: Stan and Francine are about to get busy on the couch on a post-mission fun time, when an important phone call comes in: Stan’s mom has been dumped. Again. Is it any surprise to find that Stan’s mom Betty is more socially retarded than Stan? Anyway, turns out that Stan is quite possibly the biggest mommy’s boy in the known universe, possibly approaching SPANKING THE MONKEY territory, as shown by a bathtub scene where Stan is bathing his mom. Dear God, I feel my gorge rising just recalling the scene … and the song Stan was singing as he did so.

Anyway, after the application of mental floss, we continue. A flashback scene shows that Stan had to step in when his father abandoned him and his mother, so we’re talking long-term issues here. Anyway, since Roger and Francine are about as useful as a toothbrush in a firefight when it comes to talking, they hit on the plan of finding a man for Stan’s mom who can put up with her, and thus take Stan out of play. They set her up with Hercules, the local butcher and lamb salesman, and at first, things seem to go well … until Roger does some research and finds that all of Betty’s boyfriends have disappeared. Suspecting Betty is a black widow, Roger and Francine don disguises and follow Betty, whereupon they discover that Betty’s boyfriends are being disappeared by Stan. Stan tells the story of his decades-long practice of kidnapping her dates and dropping them on an uncharted island.

There was a subplot concerning Klaus and Steve both getting a fish disease, but yuck. Anyway, Stan manages to board a Greece-bound flight in order to stop Betty and Hercules, but Francine, who is both smarter and faster, beats him to the punch. Fortunately, Betty turns out to have enough sense to stop Stan using emotional judo, and it’s a happy ending for all. Except those dudes stuck on Stan’s dumping ground, of course.