News Rants

Johnny Depp and Philip Seymour Hoffman the next Riddler and Penguin?

Critics Rant — Sat, 02 Aug 2008 00:23:36 GMT

Those rumors that Angelina Jolie was looking to play Catwoman in the third installment of Christopher Nolan’s Batman Begins franchise, have sparked even more rumors , the newest ones being that studio execs over at Warner Bros. have started eyeing A-list stars Johnny Depp, and Oscar winner Philip Seymour Hoffman, to play the roles of The Riddler and The Penguin in the next Batman flick.

PLEASE TAKE THIS NEWS WITH A GRAIN OF SALT. For every new rumor of an A-list star playing one of the iconic villains from Batman’s rogue gallery, another statement pops up from Dark Knight writers David Goyer and Jonathan Nolan, claiming that they will not go the obvious route of cramming The Riddler, Penguin or Catwoman into the third film. And so, the debate goes on…

Personally, I don’t think it would too terrible a thing to have some of the more recognizable villains in BB3. After seeing Heath Ledger’s stunning take on The Joker , I could see Depp and Hoffman digging deep to deliver versions of The Riddler and Penguin that would force us to re-define the characters altogether. After all, in a fluid medium like comic books, where characters and stories can really get stale, re-definition of the status quo is what it’s all about.

For now, we’ll have to wait and see what happens with the BB3 script. However, keep in mind that, like Spiderman 3 , when a franchise gets too lucrative, studios often step in to do what they think is be$t, usually resulting in creative disaster. But let’s stay hopeful.

Would Depp and Hoffman be good choices for the roles? Rant back and let us know.

Jack White And Alicia Keys To Sing Quantum Of Solace Theme

Critics Rant — Sat, 02 Aug 2008 00:16:28 GMT

Multi-grammy winners Jack White and Alicia Keys have been tapped by producers of Quantum of Solace, the newest James Bond movie, to sing the theme song to film; the first ever duet in the history of James Bond soundtracks.

The song is named “Another Way To Die”. It was written and produced by Jack White; he even plays drums on the track. The soundtrack for Quantum Of Solace is slated for release on October 28, on J records.

Are Alicia and Jack going to (snicker) kill it together? Rant back and let us know.

Critical Mass: The Worst Damn Dialogue In A Movie

Critics Rant — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 19:02:40 GMT

By Brandon Nolta

When people talk about movies with friends or colleagues, they often mention cool scenes or nifty plot developments. These things are part of why we go to movies, after all. But, there’s an even more vital part of film that virtually everybody can appreciate: dialogue. It’s the dialogue that gets bandied about more, anyway; do a search on “movie quotes” and get a sense of what I mean.

All moviegoers know that great dialogue can stay with you forever, but what about really bad dialogue? Lines that come across as dumb, or hit the ear like ball bearings in a sock; these kinds of dialogue can take a viewer right out of a film and make them goggle at the screen, certain they just didn’t hear what they thought they heard. That’s the kind of thing I’m talking about here, with this very list of Worst Damn Dialogue in a Movie. To qualify for the list, it has to be more than stupid or clumsy; it has to seriously affect the plot, or in some cases, the opinion of the movie as a whole. Some of these lines belong to otherwise good films, but they stick out in my memory of the film, and so I share them with you, dear readers. Spreading the pain around, if you will. In no particular order, they are:

THE WORLD IS NOT ENOUGH, “I thought Christmas only comes once a year.”
Whatever respect I had for this decent Bond effort went right out the damn window with this line. I mean, asking audiences to accept the intensely hot but vapid-eyed Denise Richards as a nuclear physicist is hard enough, but when Pierce Brosnan uttered this line at the end of the film, the groans from the audience nearly blew the screen through the back of the multiplex. I will say this, however, in its favor: I had to respect Brosnan for actually saying it with a straight face. Dear God, how many takes must the poor man have gone through? I bet he wanted to hit the screenwriters for this one. Even by Bond standards, this one-liner was execrable.

TOTAL RECALL, “Give those people air!”
Picking a ridiculous Schwarzenegger line out of his body of work might seem like looking for a needle in a basket of needles. It’s not so much where you begin, but where do you stop? Once you take out the few films where his dialogue was fitting and crafted to the story as opposed to his persona, there’s lots of bad puns and dumb lines left … and that’s not even considering the occasional weirdness his accent throws in (although you have to give the man credit; he worked his ass off to master the language, and considering where he started, his accent has faded to a huge extent). Still, what makes this line risible is a perfect storm of factors: the melodramatic interplay between Ronny Cox, Michael Ironside and Schwarzenegger (Arnie is in fact the most subdued actor in this scene), the intense earnestness of the line, and Arnold’s accent choosing to kick in at that moment and turn “air” into … is that three syllables I hear? I love this movie, and consider it one of Arnie’s best, yet this line is always the first one I think of.

X-MEN, “Do you know what happens to a toad when it's struck by lightning? The same thing that happens to everything else.”

This line probably made more sense in the original part that Joss Whedon wrote, before the studio and the five other writers who worked on this script made changes. I’ve seen Halle Berry act in other films, so I know she can, but she hadn’t quite gotten around to it with Storm yet, and her delivery of this line didn’t help. However, I don’t blame her for this one; I bet she didn’t know what the hell the line meant, and thus wasn’t sure how to say it. At least, I hope that’s what it was. Maybe the part that made sense, the part with all the acting and stuff, got left on the cutting room floor. Anyway, this may be the biggest WTF dialogue on the list. As I remember, Toad (Ray Park) looked pretty confused too, and he presumably had the script, so I don’t feel so bad.

RESERVOIR DOGS, Mr. Brown’s dissertation on “Like a Virgin”

Quentin Tarantino is one hell of a director, and an even better writer, but he’s no great shakes as an actor, and his long speech on the meaning of Madonna’s “Like a Virgin” would have sounded half as asinine and twice as funny coming from anybody else sitting at the table. Here’s an example of an otherwise damn good movie nearly being derailed by a misplaced bit at the beginning. The speech as written doesn’t really do much for me anyway, especially by the middle where QT seems determined to pointlessly fit “dick” into a sentence as many times as he can shoehorn it in, but it’s the delivery that completely cripples the speech. If you know the speech (and I imagine most of you reading this do), imagine it coming from Lawrence Tierney, Michael Madsen or Steve Buscemi, and see if it doesn’t work better. QT as an actor doesn’t seem to have much of a sense of timing or pace; he pooched a perfectly good joke in DESPERADO through the same flaw. Keep the man behind the camera, and everything will be fine.

BATMAN AND ROBIN, any line uttered by any character

As a die-hard Batman fan, I had to go see this film, even though I was still troubled by the Day-Glo and neon sensibility Joel Schumacher brought to its predecessor, BATMAN FOREVER. Also, I was intrigued by the thought of Uma Thurman as Poison Ivy, and had a faint hope the movie might be interesting. Well, it was, in the sense that performing a colonoscopy on yourself with a red-hot poker might be interesting. It sure as hell wasn’t boring. I actually became physically sick while watching this movie and missed out on the climax because I was puking in the restroom. That was a sign. It was probably the bad fast food I ate before the movie, but the fact that every single line I heard was an execrable pun, pitched at brain-damaged alcoholics or a sinister combination of both didn’t help. Schwarzenegger at least attacked his role with some glee; everybody else looked like they were standing on the slopes of Hell wearing axle grease shoes. In trying to recall this film, I get as far as bad puns about ice before my ears start bleeding, so I’ll just leave it at that.

Universal Nabs Tarantino’s ‘Inglorious Bastards’

Critics Rant — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 16:50:36 GMT

Quentin Tarantino’s Inglorious Bastards remake has been causing quite a buzz since the script was leaked online, with many web-critics going so far as to call it a “masterpiece.” Well, the major studios have taken notice, with Universal jumping in the ring alongside longtime Tarantino collaborators the Weinstein Co. to bring Inglorious Bastards to a theater near you.

Rumor has it that Tarantino and the Weinsteins sat down sometime last week to decide between Paramount and Universal and Universal won the debate. Don’t know if I would have gone that way given Universal’s lack of $trong returns at the box office the last few years, but hey, that’s why I’m just a blogger, and not a major player in the Hollywood game (a guy can dream though…)

For those scratching their heads, Inglorious Bastards is a WWII epic/classic war film throwback, about a squadron of soldiers named “The Bastards” who embark on one last bloody mission to thwart the Third Reich from premiering a propaganda film in Paris. The movie is a mash-up of Reservoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction and Kill Bill, with a double helix storyline involving The Bastards and a French Jewish teenager named Shoshanna, who also journeys to Paris looking for a little payback. Like Kill Bill, the film will feature sequences shot in different styles (a la the O-Ren Ishii anime sequence in KB Vol. 1,) reportedly a sequence shot entirely in black and white French New-Wave format. (That’s natural sound and hand-held cameras for those not in film school.) A-list talent like Brad Pitt and Leonardo DiCaprio are currently being courted to fill out The Bastards’ ranks.

Are you excited for Inglorious Bastards, or are you one of the many inglorious bastards who still have a bad taste in mouth from Death Proof? (Which was a good flick, BTW.) Rant back and let us know.

Angelina Jolie The Next Catwoman?

Critics Rant — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 07:00:00 GMT

The Dark Knight is still earning heaps of cash, but the execs over at Warner Bros. are already looking ahead to the next installment of the franchise. While director Christopher Nolan has yet to officially sign on for another go at Gotham City, the rumor mill is already churning out names of the next villain who will next take on the caped crusader.

So far Catwoman has been an early contender; the hot/cold relationship between her and Batman has always been one of the comic book series’ best themes, one that could translate reasonably well into the universe of Nolan’s films. 60’s era Catwoman, Julie Newmar, had this to say in a recent interview with the New York Daily News:

"Angelina would own the part," said Newmar. "My industry friends tell me [she] has made inquiries about the role."

Wow. How sexy and badass would Angelina Jolie be as Catwoman? Just imagine what she would look like poured into that skin-tight suit! And something tells me that girl already knows here way around picking a lock, so all in all, she’s a shoe-in for the part, and would definitely help fill some theater seats. But that’s just my opinion. Unfortunately or all ye hopeful, Dark Knight writers Jonathan Nolan and David Goyer have already stated that they’re not planning on having Catwoman in the third film. Bummer. However, Ms. Jolie has been known to sway men in the past, so anything is possible.

Do you think Angelina should get the part? Rant back and let us know.

Johnny Depp To Play Mad Hatter In Burton’s Wonderland

Critics Rant — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 07:00:00 GMT

CelebEdge is reporting a rumor that actor Johnny Depp will likely don an oversized cap to play the Mad Hatter in Tim Burton’s performance-capture / live action hybrid of Lewis Carroll’s classic, Alice In Wonderland.

Burton and Depp are peas in the pod, so this rumor isn’t all that hard to swallow. In fact, the only thing that surprises me about this bit of news is the fact that Depp is being offered so small a part in the production, (unless the new script has the Mad Hatter playing a much expanded role.)

If Depp has indeed signed on, things are looking good for Alice. The only other cast member announced so far has been Mia Wasikowska (In Treatment), who will play the titular role of Alice.

So, do you think Burton is the man to bring Alice back in proper fashion? Or is this more of a job for Terry Gilliam (Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas)? Rant back and let us know.

11-Year-Old Aussie Joins THE ROAD

Critics Rant — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 21:52:53 GMT

By Brandon Nolta

For those of you who have too much happiness in your lives and occasionally need a depressing flick to even things out, there’s good news: The second major role of the upcoming film THE ROAD has been cast. Kodi Smit-McPhee, an 11-year-old actor from Down Under, will play the son of Viggo Mortensen’s character in the film, which tells the story of a father and son wandering across the ruins of America after an unspecified apocalyptic event. Charlize Theron also stars in the adaptation of Cormac McCarthy’s Pulitzer Prize-winning novel.

Smit-McPhee was recently nominated for best lead actor by the Australian Film Institute for his work in ROMULUS, MY FATHER, which also starred Eric Bana and Franka Potente. Mortensen isn’t doing too shabby in his award nominations, either; he’s been nominated for a best leading actor Oscar for his role in EASTERN PROMISES.

INDIANA JONES and the Lost Warehouse?

Critics Rant — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 00:37:51 GMT

By Kofi Outlaw

Hey gang, I’ve got a new photo from the set of INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL for you today. This picture is especially intriguing, as it features Dr. Jones scaling a stack of crates which look to belong to that infamous warehouse from the end of RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK, where “top men” cataog and stow history’s most important artifacts. What could Dr. Jones be searching for? Guess you’ll have to wait until Indy 4 hits theaters this summer to find out for sure.

For now though, take a look at the pic, and rant back to us with your best guesstimate of what Indy is after. I say he’s looking for the heart-shaped chest where that witchdoctor from TEMPLE OF DOOM used to store his hand-removed organs.

Cricital Look: SMART PEOPLE

Critics Rant — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 00:12:46 GMT

By Kofi Outlaw

Fresh off its strong reviews at Sundance, Critics Rant would like to bring you a first look at Miramax’s latest smart-family-with-issues flick, SMART PEOPLE.

The film stars Dennis Quaid as an aging intellectual professor who suffers a stroke. Sarah Jessica Parker plays the nurse who takes a shine to the socially inept prof; Thomas Hayden Church is the prof’s adopted, slacker brother and Oscar-nominee Ellen Page plays the prof’s over-achiever daughter.

SMART PEOPLE is basicaly THE ROYAL TENENBAUMS meets SIDEWAYS. And I hated both those flicks. I prefer my screwed-up intellectual flicks to be more dark and depressing a la THE SQUID AND THE WHALE. How about you? Take a look at the trailer for SMART PEOPLE and rant back to us about what you think.

RAMBO V On The Way? Stallone Says No

Critics Rant — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 00:00:00 GMT

By Kofi Outlaw

Harvey Weinstein recently spoke up about how pleased he is with the RAMBO’s success at the box office and his own desire to see further installments come to fruition down the line, hopefully one in which Rambo waged one man war on criminals running the streets of the USA.

“I like the idea of an older guy kicking ass. Maybe it’s because I’m older, too,” added Weinstein.

Granted, Weinstein is figuring on RAMBO doing $50 million domestically and $100-150 million overseas where Sly Stallone still has a huge fan base. However the droopy-faced action star recently let it slip to the “Guardian UK” newspaper that this would be the last we see of John Rambo.

“This is the last Rambo just as Rocky Balboa is the last Rocky,” Stallone told reporters. “I can’t go any further. It was a miracle that it even got done.”

Now this statement contradicts several other statements and rumors. So what does it all mean? Is that the last time we'll have seen Rambo? Only time will tell.