Retro Rants

OPEN RANGE: A Great Western Worth Revisiting

Critics Rant — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 08:34:41 GMT

By Brandon Nolta

Growing up, I didn’t like Westerns. I wasn’t into horses or the Old West; stories of gunslingers and frontier towns didn’t do much for me. Like many, I started to change my opinion on the genre when UNFORGIVEN came out, but it was a long time before I really came around to liking the genre. Then, I was able to appreciate the fun ones, like SILVERADO, the really good ones, like THE OUTLAW JOSEY WALES, and the great ones, like Kevin Costner’s 2003 epic OPEN RANGE. I know, you hear Costner and epic in the same sentence, you probably reach for the barf bag, perhaps plagued by flashbacks to THE POSTMAN. Well, get over it, because OPEN RANGE is different.

The film opens in Montana in the 1880s, with a quartet of free-grazing cowboys, led by Boss Spearman (Robert Duvall) and his lieutenant, Charley Waite (Kevin Costner). After a storm spreads their herd out, Boss and Charley send one of the younger men, Mose Harrison (Abraham Benrubi), into Harmonville, a town about a day’s ride away for supplies, while Boss, Charley and Button (Diego Luna) round up the herd. After a couple days too many goes by, Boss and Charley head into town to find Mose. This doesn’t sit well with Charley, who doesn’t like towns or people, and his happiness doesn’t increase when they find Mose in jail, beaten like a piñata. Since Mose is roughly the size of a Volkswagen Beetle, it must have been a hell of a fight.

Turns out free-grazers aren’t well-liked in Harmonville, especially by Denton Baxter (Michael Gambon), the local rich man and biggest rancher around. Boss and Charley get Mose out, but he’s been beaten badly enough to need medical attention, so they find a doctor, and Charley catches the eye of the doc’s still-attractive spinster sister Sue (Annette Bening). After Mose gets treated, they head back to camp, only to find Baxter’s sending men to scout things out; after all, the future of the West is written in barbed wire, and free-grazers are a threat to that in Baxter’s mind. However, ranchers who buy the law and tell other men where they can and can’t go are a threat to Boss, so he and Charley head out to do some intimidating of their own.

Unfortunately, another set of men has headed out to Boss’s camp for some violence, and when Boss and Charley return, they find the camp trashed, Mose and the old camp dog dead, and Button shot and badly beaten. Boss and Charley bury the dead and take Button back into Harmonville to the doctor, and gradually the escalation begins. Boss and Charley mean to have vengeance, but Charley is falling for Sue, and while he needs the stone-cold killer within (turns out Charley was a commando during the Civil War), he wants the better angels of his nature to surface for her. Meanwhile, Boss and Charley make a few friends in town, including an ornery old stable owner (Michael Jeter), but when it comes time for the climactic gunfight, Boss and Charley are pretty much standing alone.

OPEN RANGE combines the best traditions of Hollywood Westerns: the mythic scope of the classic Western combined with the character emphasis and nuances of the modern version. Good and evil are clearly defined, yet the main characters aren’t just simple caricatures; Charley, for example, is a man for whom killing is easy and logical, and Costner gives an explanation of who to shoot first and why toward the end that elucidates this well. Yet, he’s undeniably a good man, loyal and steadfast, who appears to have a form of post-traumatic stress disorder, and Costner shades Charley nicely. Duvall slides easily into Boss Spearman, making him into a tough but generous man, whose fury at Baxter’s behavior tempers his basic decency into something harder. Bening and Gambon are equally at home in smaller roles, and Jeter, in his last live-action role, makes Percy the livery man the apotheosis of the crusty sidekick without veering into parody.

Fine acting and an intelligent, well-paced script make for rich ingredients, but what makes OPEN RANGE a cut above most other Westerns is an unusual attention to realistic detail and the willingness of the narrative to develop in its own time. The movie’s pace is slower than virtually any other Western I’ve ever seen, allowing the characters to become real on the screen without rushing in exposition, but there’s no sense of dragging or wasted momentum. The detail shows through in every frame, but the best example is the final gunfight, the most visceral, violent and realistic gun battle I’ve ever seen put to film. Bodies are thrown, smoke fills the frame, pistols roar like cannons; it’s not your grandpa’s gunfight in the streets. It’s an amazing topper to a well-drawn, satisfying story, and one that no Western, or drama, fan should miss.

THE PROPHECY: Vintake Kooky Walken

Critics Rant — Thu, 10 Jan 2008 19:00:00 GMT

By Brandon Nolta

“Did you ever notice how in the Bible, whenever God needed to punish someone, or make an example, or whenever God needed a killing, he sent an angel? Did you ever wonder what a creature like that must be like? A whole existence spent praising your God, but always with one wing dipped in blood. Would you ever really want to see an angel?”
-- Thomas Dagget (Elias Koteas) in THE PROPHECY

Christopher Walken may have gotten his Oscar in the 1970s, but the 1990s were definitely his decade as far as establishing the Walken persona. Through movies like PULP FICTION, TRUE ROMANCE and KING OF NEW YORK, this song-and-dance man became one of the most dynamic performers to light up the screen. It’s almost shtick now, but the edges hadn’t worn off it yet when Greg Widen cast Fatboy Slim’s favorite dancer for the lead role in THE PROPHECY, Widen’s loopy yet involving religious thriller. Good thing, too, because Walken makes the flick.

The nominal hero of the film is Thomas Dagget (Elias Koteas), a homicide detective who once planned to enter the priesthood, until a bloody vision of angels warring derailed his ordainment. Haunted by his loss of faith, he gets drawn into an investigation where the body at the center of it all is missing certain things—such as eyes, or growth rings on its bones—and bearing others, like an extra set of sex organs. The mysterious ramblings of Simon (Eric Stoltz) don’t help Dagget much, but a couple of clues pull Dagget to Chimney Rock, Arizona, where he meets a little girl named Mary (Moriah Shining Dove Snyder) and her hot teacher Katherine (Virginia Madsen).

Dagget manages to put most of it together himself, but when Gabriel (Christopher Walken) shows up, he fills in the rest of the blanks: Angels are warring in Heaven, split over God’s decision to elevate humanity in Divinity’s sight, and Gabriel—yes, the Gabriel, harbinger of death and sounder of the Last Trump—has come to the mortal plane to seek a special weapon. Since humans are the admitted masters of war and treachery, Gabriel has come to snag the blackest soul on Earth to lead his side against their brethren loyal to God’s judgment. This soul, which formerly belonged to one sick Army colonel, has been stashed inside Mary. Against Gabriel, you wouldn’t think Thomas and Katherine stand much of a chance, but they get an ally late in the game when Lucifer (Viggo Mortensen) decides to get involved. Now, if you find the Devil is on your side, that’s a sign you need to rethink your position. However, Gabriel is no friend of humanity, and Thomas finds himself with a lot less time than he’d like to figure things out.

THE PROPHECY is a cult film without a doubt; most audiences probably didn’t dig the alternate take on angels, and most anything Widen put his hands on in the 1990s, except for BACKDRAFT, was out there. It’s well-done for what must have been a B-movie production; the optical effects, while dated, don’t look too bad, and while the dialogue is a little purple at times, Widen generally keeps things in check. A cast of reliable troupers gets put through their paces, including Canadian thespian vet Koteas and Mortensen, who makes for a slick and bestial Devil, but in the end, it’s all Walken. With his eyes and voice, you believe this guy is the end of all things; nobody does badass like Walken. Gabriel has an emotional range, but no humanity, and when he tells Thomas, “I'm an angel. I kill firstborns while their mamas watch. I turn cities into salt. I even, when I feel like it, rip the souls from little girls, and from now till kingdom come, the only thing you can count on in your existence is never understanding why,” you believe it.

THE PROFESSIONAL: Sexy Ugly

Critics Rant — Mon, 07 Jan 2008 00:19:08 GMT

By Sabrina Cognata

This movie should be called SEXY UGLY: Things people do not want to admit about human sexuality because Leon (Jean Reno) is not really that good looking of a guy, but by the end of the film you love him, want to bear his children and find him incredibly and unwaveringly desirable. This is the story of Mathilda (Natalie Portman) and the man that lives down the hall from her, Leon. Leon is a hired hit man and a serious mo’fo’.

About fifteen minutes into the movie Mathilda becomes an orphan as psycho cop, Stansfield (Gary Oldman) retaliates against her father by killing her entire family while Mathilda’s out at the store. When Mathilda returns she finds her entire family dead and the cops swarming around looking for her. She walks to Leon’s door, weeping and knocks until he lets her in. Mathilda immediately stumbles upon an arsenal of weapons and realizes that Leon is a cleaner/hit man/murderer.

Mathilda asks Leon to teach her the ways of a cleaner. At first Leon laments, but eventually he agrees to teach Mathilda and take care of her. Slowly, you realize that Leon is not a monster, but a creature of habit. He moves quickly and goes out of his way to take care of Mathilda, teaching her the ways of a hit man so that she may one day avenge the death of her younger brother. In return, Mathilda does what she can to ensure that Leon is taken care of: she cooks, cleans and takes care of the reading and writing—as Leon’s English is poor. Leon’s life becomes more than his potted plant and his profession—Mathilda begins to give him purpose.

Before Leon gets a chance to finish Mathilda’s training or avenge her brother’s death himself, Mathilda takes matters into her own hands and confronts Detective Stansfield and his cohorts. Leon is faced with having to save Mathilda, which he does whole-heartedly as Mathilda has been able to open his heart. This is about the part where you realize 12-year-old Natalie Portman is actually a genius and Jean Reno is absolutely sexy. Leon must sacrifice his own life in order to save Mathilda and take out all of the cops. Mathilda weeps, it’s those Drew Barrymore tears from E.T. and you are like WHOA, THIS LITTLE GIRL WILL BE FAMOUS SOMEDAY, then low and behold Natalie Portman ends up super famous.

Anyways, stupid Stansfield kills Leon, but Leon gets his revenge by blowing the hell out of Stansfield and the lobby of the building and basically anyone in his way. Mathilda is devastated and tells the mob boss Leon worked for, “Uncle” Tony (Danny Aiello) that she wants to work for him also. Uncle Tony flips out and says she cannot but he will however give her an allowance and pay for her to go to boarding school. Since Mathilda has no other options or choices she takes Uncle Tony up on his offer, planting Leon’s fern into the dirt on the grounds of her new school -- OH MAN, SYMBOLISM ANYONE, FINALLY MATHILDA HAS ROOTS AND IT’S ALL BEACUASE OF LEON!

WHAT THE BLEEP DO WE KNOW?: Inspiring and Entertaining

Critics Rant — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 07:57:44 GMT

By Buzz Byrne

“Every generation has built-in assumptions that prove, historically, to be false.” That statement of fact is enough to lead us to question most things we take for granted. That premise alone is enough to rile up stuffy academics and portions of the scientific community that have built their industry on the opposite of this idea. This is what this movie is essentially about- questioning reality and then positing a spiritual possibility based on quantum physics. Largely successful on the first part, less so on the spiritual aspects, nonetheless this small movie asks large questions and makes some radical thinking extremely accessible. I found it entertaining, provocative and even inspiring.

And I’m one cynical doofus.

A loose narrative follows the character Amanda (Marlee Matlin) as she deals with her husband’s betrayal. Following her over the course of two days she meets a shaman from the Caribbean in her dreams, a magical boy on a basketball court who explains quantum super position and discovers the work of Masaru Emoto- The Message of Water. As she grapples with the decision to forgive her husband or move on in her life, the filmmakers interview “experts” and “academics” in a documentary style on the relationship with reality and the internal and spiritual workings of the human experience.

This is the meat of what is going on and where the film is interesting and also threatening. While “quantum physics” or “quantum mechanics” is used as blanket terms without a true definition going, there is a lot to digest for someone not familiar with the concept. The discussion and presentation of the physiology of the brain, hypothalamus and how peptides work in our system was fascinating and much more accessible. But then dealing with physical proteins in the human body is easier to define than finding a physical substance of thought. Much of the professional criticism comes from corners that call the movie simplistic, pseudoscience and even one of the interviewees claims to have had his words and concepts distorted by editing. Hard to believe a long-winded academic would bristle at years of work being distilled and edited but there you go. Obviously the “factual presentations” in the movie should be viewed skeptically. But shouldn’t we view most arguments in such a manner?

And along those lines, having J.Z. Knight as one of the expert talking heads as she channels Ramtha stretches credibility. But if you can move past that, if you can sit with these uncomfortable questions, isn’t that worthwhile? At its’ core this movie is questioning organized religion and modern psychology. Maybe some of the criticism should be viewed with some skepticism as those are not two institutions that often invite hecklers.

The movie argues that we take a much more active role in our lives, that we try and shape reality from our insides outward rather than float through life, giving over responsibility to an invisible man in the sky or the reality that we have been conditioned to accept. The movie urges us to be greater than we are and to achieve and think greater things.

Can you really ask more of someone’s creative effort than to entertain you and maybe look at something in a new light? And what if that “something” is life, reality, experience and time- isn’t that worth a try at the video store? I would say it is.

LETHAL WEAPON: Christmas With A Bullet

Critics Rant — Tue, 25 Dec 2007 19:00:00 GMT

By Sabrina Cognata

A lot of people might argue that LETHAL WEAPON is not actually a Christmas movie, but we know what I think about these people and if you’re wasting time reading this and you’re one of these people, well stop reading, duh. This is the story of two detectives: one that is insane and the other that complains about being old a lot, Martin Riggs (Mel Gibson) and Roger Murtaugh (Danny Glover) respectively. This is a movie written by Shane Black. Here’s two facts about Shane Black: he basically invented and mastered the buddy cop genre and one time I ended up at his house in the wee hours of the night and partied until either I was asked to leave or I blacked out—too bad I cannot remember how things ended. Oh well, that’s the life of Los Angeles party monster.

Back to LETHAL WEAPON, it’s December and Christmas is creeping up on Murtaugh and Riggs. Also creeping up on them is the mysterious death of Murtaugh’s friend’s slut daughter. In the beginning of the movie she’s found naked after plummeting from a balcony to her death onto a parked car below. As Murtaugh begins to investigate her death he ends up being partnered with Riggs who has the reputation for being a psychopath. Murtaugh decides Riggs trying to get a psycho pension, but it turns out that Riggs is actually super insane and suicidal. He’s been having a hell of a time living since his wife died a few years earlier.

Riggs’s suicidal tendencies come in handy while fighting crime as he could care less about living and always puts himself right in the middle of things in order to do his job. Every time this happens Murtaugh ends the scene saying, “I’M GETTING TO OLD FOR THIS SH*T.” I swear to you it’s more charming than it sounds. While trying to get to the bottom of that girls untimely death the two end up discovering a heroin smuggling ring and at this point you know where things are going THE GOOD GUYS GO AFTER THE BAD GUYS, DUH.

The bad guys are basically your run of the mill bad guy typecasts except for the fact that super insane bad guy that goes head-to-head with Riggs is Mr. Joshua (Gary Busey). His boss is Peter McAllister (Mitchell Ryan) and when Riggs and Murtaugh get too close to figuring things out McAllister has his gang of thugs, lead by Mr. Joshua kidnap Murtaugh’s super cute daughter, Rainne. Here’s where things go sort of haywire. McAllister captures Riggs and Murtaugh when they go after him to rescue Rainne. He has Riggs hanging like a piece of meat in a freezer dripping wet and being electrocuted. This is probably why Mel Gibson is a mega celebrity because he looks amazing. Anyways, Riggs is double jointed and frees himself from bondage. He finds Murtaugh and his daughter and frees them also.

McAllister and Mr. Joshua chase the trio back to Murtaugh’s house, but before they can do any damage to the Murtaugh family, McAllister ends up blowing himself up along with his heroin. At this point Mr. Joshua decides to make killing Riggs his personal problem and the two have a barehanded boxing/martial arts fight in Murtaugh’s front yard that happens to be decorated for Christmas and is on fire because of the stupid exploding car. After Riggs beats Mr. Joshua, he and Murtaugh end up shooting Mr. Joshua to death. Merry Christmas kids.

Later, Riggs is accepted as an unofficial member of Murtaugh’s family and is asked to spend Christmas with them. As his gift to Murtaugh, Riggs hands him the hollow tipped bullet he’s been planning to use to kill himself with. Thanks to Murtaugh and his super hot daughter Riggs decides he no longer desires to kill himself. Finally, this man has a purpose.

GREMLINS: The Best PG-13 Christmas Ever

Critics Rant — Tue, 25 Dec 2007 15:00:00 GMT

By Brandon Nolta

There are lots of holiday films, good and bad, for the discerning viewer to enjoy beside a roaring fire with some eggnog this holiday season. A select few—DIE HARD, THE REF, SCROOGED, a passel of others—have been given the Critics Rant treatment, but I hadn’t seen any mention of one of my favorites, a perennial classic that I made sure to give my son this year for Christmas. I’m speaking, of course, of GREMLINS, the Steven Spielberg-produced classic of sick and twisted measure that remains the only proof that Chris Columbus was ever anything more than the Rick Astley of directors.

It’s Christmas in Kingston Falls, a little town that looks like Norman Rockwell and Frank Capra were in charge of planning. Rand Peltzer (Hoyt Axton), a local inventor of intermittent ability and thorn in the side of rich miserly crank Mrs. Deagle (Polly Holliday), is out shopping for the season. He wants the perfect gift for his son Billy (Zach Galligan), the only Peltzer holding down a real job, and he finds it in a Chinatown basement shop. But it’s not a toy; it’s a cute little fuzzy thing called a Mogwai that answers to Gizmo (voice by Howie Mandel) which looks like the mating of ET and a panda. Of course, with anything seemingly harmless and cute, there are a few rules to follow: 1) Keep it away from bright light, 2) Don’t ever get it wet, and 3) Never, ever feed it after midnight.

Since there are rules that must be followed, inevitably, the Peltzers fail to do so, and soon there’s a bunch of Mogwai. Unfortunately, the new ones aren’t of the same sweet temperament as Gizmo, and soon enough, Billy and his best friend/girlfriend Kate (Phoebe Cates), as well as their hometown of Kingston Falls, are battling a horde of malevolent little monsters. Christmas goes to hell in a hurry when the gremlins are in town, and nobody, from the evil Mrs. Deagle to hapless plow driver and town drunk Mr. Futterman (Dick Miller), is safe.

It’s no wonder this movie caused such a hue and cry when it came out in the summer of 1984. Columbus’ script displays a real streak of hard-edged mischief, best displayed in the gremlins’ violent pranks and a monologue that Kate delivers in explaining why she doesn’t like Christmas. Having Spielberg’s name on the movie is a marketing bait-and-switch; to get a grip on the film, look no further than seeing Joe Dante listed as director. Dante, the man behind the mostly great werewolf satire THE HOWLING and the zombie political broadsides of the “Homecoming” episode of MASTERS OF HORROR, has a razorblade smile sense of humor, and he takes Columbus’ script and runs with it.

A lot of people thought Dante ran a little too far; GREMLINS was one of the reasons behind the formation of the PG-13 rating, as some of the violence (involving blenders and stair lifts, among other things) was too hardcore for PG. There’s no denying this is a dark film, and though it is quite funny, many of the characters meet fates that aren’t. In fact, Dante kept things from going too far: the original script was darker yet, with a higher body count than what made it to theaters. Even now, GREMLINS might be a little strong for the very young. Still, for those of you who are tired of excessive Yuletide cheer and like your Christmas season salted with blood and black humor, GREMLINS is a pretty good Noel treat. Merry Christmas, and remember, kids, no snacks after midnight.

THE SANTA CLAUSE: How Did This Thing Get Two Sequels?

Critics Rant — Sun, 23 Dec 2007 06:41:06 GMT

By Sabrina Cognata

I haven’t seen this movie in a while, like what, since 1994 when I was 13-years-old. And if you’re wondering what a 13-year-old is doing watching a stupid movie like this, then you have never been 13 and stuck at the movie theater without a grownup in your entire life. So my little sister is like, “HEY, THIS MOVIE IS SILLY, REMEMBER SANTA IS ON SCOTT CALVIN’S (Tim Allen) ROOF AND FALLS OFF AND DIES!” Oh, that’s right, Scott Calvin! How could I forget?

So Scott Calvin goes outside and finds Santa’s corpse and a note that says PUT ON THE SUIT IN CASE OF EMERGENCY and he does. The thing he doesn’t know is once you put on the suit is that you agree to become Santa Claus. After putting on the Santa Suit, Scott and his son Charlie (Eric Lloyd) are transported by the reindeer to finish Santa’s toy route and then back to the North Pole. At the end of the day, the two go to bed and wake up at Scott’s house. Scott tells Charlie not to tell anyone about what happened because it was a delusion, but Charlie goes bananas and tells everyone, namely his mother, Laura (Wendy Crewson) and her shrink boyfriend, Neil (Judge Reinhold). Those two think that Scott is trying to feed their son some sort of insane unreality to put a wedge in the relationship between all the parents and Charlie.

Things worse as time goes on and Scott begins to fully transform into Santa with a huge gut, a white beard and the whole nine yards or rosy merriment. Everyone, Wendy, Neil and even Charlie’s teacher thinks that Scott’s lost his mind. Scott’s trying very hard to deny he’s transforming into Santa and the only person who believes in him is Charlie, especially when Scott doesn’t even believe himself. Neil and Wendy even go so far as to tell Charlie there is no such thing as Santa Claus in an attempt to stop what they consider to be Scott’s brain washing. They use this against Scott and get his visitation rights taken away. Gosh, this is such a stupid, boring review. I am going to kill myself.

Right before the next Christmas, Charlie’s faith in Scott being Santa Claus finally kicks in as Scott himself is prepared to fulfill the responsibilities of Old Saint Nick. Wendy and Neil still think he’s insane until he gives them the presents they always wanted as children, but never received. Santa dad wins everyone over and delivers the presents to children all over the world all in one night just like he’s suppose to and he also regains his rights as a parent because Wendy and Neil finally believe in him and Santa.

SCROOGED: Have Yourself A Cynical Little Christmas

Critics Rant — Sat, 22 Dec 2007 08:53:10 GMT

By Faith McQuinn

Since I’m pretty sure the entire English-speaking community--and some others as well--knows the story of Charles Dickens’ A CHRISTMAS CAROL, I can skip major plotlines for SCROOGED—a modern-day adaptation of the story. But for those who may have missed the movie (God forbid), I’ll give you a quick breakdown.

Frank Cross (played by the CADDYSHACK version of Bill Murray) is the Scrooge of this story. Frank is the president of IBN television network, and he’s a complete asshole. He is the mastermind behind a Christmas Eve live production of “Scrooge” which stars Mary Lou Retton as Tiny Tim, Jamie Farr as Jacob Marley, and Buddy Hackett as Scrooge. Oh, and somehow he’s fit in the Solid Gold dancers in extremely skimpy outfits.

The Ghost of Christmas Present (David Johansen) is a cigar-smoking taxi driver that reminds Frank he’s spent his entire life plopped in front of a TV set. The Ghost of Christmas Past is the wonderful Carol Kane who’s a sadistic ghost that shows Frank the true meaning of suffering by kicking him in the balls, punching him in the face, and hitting him with a toaster. The Ghost of Christmas Future is the hellish version of a walking television that has innards created by Jim Henson’s Workshop.

As I said before, SCROOGED is a retelling of A CHRISTMAS CAROL, and you’d think this fact would lump it in with the many variations out there. But anything that opens with an action sequence involving Santa Claus, elves, machine guns, and Lee Majors is in a class all by itself. I don’t think any other CHRISTMAS CAROL movie can be considered so demented.

Frank is nothing but crass and no one is at his mercy. On Christmas Eve, he manages to kill an 80-year-old woman with his twisted ultra-violent commercials, scare the crap out his assistant’s (Alfre Woodard) mute little boy, and insult the only true love of his life (Karen Allen). What makes it all so wickedly fantastic to watch is Bill Murray. Not the quiet, white-haired Bill of today. I’m talking about the angry, out-of-control, crazy man who did comedy in the eighties.

Even when Frank finally has a change of heart, Murray still approaches the newer, nicer Frank Cross with the same crazy enthusiasm. Instead of spreading the love with food and money as Dickens’ Scrooge did, Frank takes over the live airing of this darling show by getting Eliot Loudermilk (Bobcat Goldthwait) to take the control booth hostage. His speech may be heartwarming, but it still registers as a little deranged. And who doesn’t want the spirit of Christmas screamed at them across the airwaves?

The only downside is the happy-go-lucky ending. I guess you can’t have A CHRISTMAS CAROL without the miracle at the end. In the live production, Mary Lou Retton’s Tiny Tim was to throw away his crunches and do a double-tuck back flip something or another. In the actual movie, it’s Grace’s little mute son who finally utters the first words he’s said in five years, “God bless us, everyone!”

SCROOGED is also a bit dated. The hair, the costumes and the never-ending list of cameos keep SCROOGED firmly planted in the late eighties. But even with the saccharin ending and the eighties vibe, the message is very clear. People who are greedy have crappy lives and get hit with toasters. It’s a simple as that.

SCROOGED is a funny, angry, very cynical take a Christmas classic. If you like your comedy violent and over-the-top, be sure to put the kiddies to bed early and watch it again or for the first time.

THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN: Classic Western Action

Critics Rant — Sat, 22 Dec 2007 08:22:21 GMT

By Sabrina Cognata

THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN is considerably one of the greatest western flicks of all time. They certainly don’t make them like this anymore. I’m talking about both the movie and the actors. Gosh, the case of THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN is an array of masculinity forgotten in Hollywood, traded in for the beaming femininity of current heartthrobs Jonathan Rhys Meyer, Orlando Bloom and Jude Law. Too bad all of those guys cry a lot and worry about their fashion sense and have absolutely no idea how to be manly—maybe it’s the fact that all of them are British, but that is an argument for another day.

THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN is the story of a small town in Mexico terrorized by Calvera (Eli Wallach) a terrible bandito and the wild pack that runs with him. Three town members happen to view Chris (Yul Brenner) and Vin (Steve McQueen) manage a wild crowd with ease. Chris gives hope to the town members. They approach him and ask for his help offering him the only the only thing they have left, a golden object along with food and board. Initially, Chris says he isn’t interested, but after listening to their situation he laments and eventually agrees to help and enlists a group of able-bodied men to help him in his quest to save this town from Calvera.

Immediately, Chris acquires the best and the brightest men in town. He talks Vin into helping him along with Harry Luck (Brad Dexter), Bernardo O’Reilly (Charles Bronson), Lee (Robert Vaughn), and Britt (James Coburn). While Vin assembles his team, there’s a young local boy, Chico (Horsct Buchholz) that continues to badger Vin for a place on the team. On their way to Mexico, the group sees Chico fishing by a river and they finally ask him to join them.

The seven venture together as a team to train the townspeople to fight against Calvera and his men. While preparing, they relocate the women, hidden on the outskirts of town and put them to work cooking, cleaning and basically being women in a society deprived of females. One particular girl takes a fancy to Chico and goes out of her way to persuade him into liking her. Chico, however, is particularly enamored with the idea of being a hero and delusions of his own grandeur. Meanwhile, Bernardo being half-Irish/half-Mexican begins to feel a particular kinship with the people and children of the town, going out of his way to take up for them and even persuades the other six men into sharing their fancy meals with everyone in camp.

My favorite character is naturally Vin. Maybe it’s because I love Steve McQueen because he personifies sexy, cool and manly, but probably, it’s because of the cadence with which he portrays Vin. He has down all the nuances one would assume a cowboy should have, more than just speaking, but really moving around as though riding horses on a ranch is all he ever knew. His timing and delivery are incredible.
When Calvera finally shows up, the men are ready for battle and they drive him and his cavalry out of town. Chico decides to infiltrate his camp and hears that Calvera’s men have not eaten in three days and plan to return with a vengeance. Upon hearing this news from Chico, the men in town decide that fighting is useless and refuse to fight against Calvera anymore. Once Calvera returns he makes a deal with Chris, allowing the seven hired men to leave without their guns, which will be returned to them once they reach the outskirts of town. Chris agrees and once they leave he decides to attack Calvera on principle and in the name of freedom for all. Harry says he doesn’t want anything to do with it, and decides to leave.

The six return and begin attacking Calvera with the might of seven hundred men. Harry returns and is killed along with Lee, Britt, and Bernardo. Together the seven manage to dismantle Calvera’s army of men, even killing Calvera in the wake of the massacre and freeing the people from their impoverishment.

GODFATHER II: A Masterpiece As Good As The Original

Critics Rant — Thu, 20 Dec 2007 22:48:42 GMT

By Brandon Nolta

Some sequels are inevitable, due to money or, very rarely, story requirements. In the case of THE GODFATHER, the original made such a splash that a sequel was approved before filming on the first installment wrapped. Fortunately, Mario Puzo’s novel was so rich that making a sequel made sense story-wise, and so Francis Ford Coppola and Puzo managed to do the unlikely: whip up a second installment in the Corleone saga that was just as good as the first. THE GODFATHER is one of the great films of American cinema; THE GODFATHER PART II manages to match it.

For part two, Coppola and Puzo took the story down two parallel tracks. In the track directly following THE GODFATHER, Michael Corleone (Al Pacino), having consolidated the Five Families’ power under his aegis, faces the task of expanding his reach in the late 1950s in Las Vegas and Havana while dealing with treacherous gangster Hyman Roth (legendary acting coach Lee Strasberg) and troubles within the family, particularly his shiftless brother Fredo (John Cazale). In the track that follows the original novel, viewers follow a young Vito Corleone (Robert DeNiro) from his arrival in New York in 1901 to his first days as a godfather in the 1920s to him finally attaining vengeance for the deaths of his family that got him sent out of Sicily in the first place.

Most of the surviving characters returned for the sequel, and thanks to flashbacks, even a few of the dead ones. The only one who didn’t come back was Marlon Brando, who really didn’t get along with Paramount at the time, but viewers won’t miss him. The reason for this is twofold: Pacino and DeNiro. Before they became the iconic, oft-imitated superstars of today, both men were giving naturalistic performances like the ones in this film. Pacino plays Michael as smooth and controlled, only erupting in anger once or twice during the entire film; he even keeps calm in the famous “You broke my heart” scene with Cazale in a Cuban nightclub.

DeNiro is just as cool and thoughtful, making Vito completely free of posturing or effect, and thus all the scarier in his logical application of bonhomie and violence. Filmed two years before TAXI DRIVER and the “You talkin’ to me?” attitude that has haunted him ever since, DeNiro captures the screen and completely earns the Oscar he won (Pacino was nominated but didn’t win). Of course, it’s not just DeNiro; everybody turns in great work, as demonstrated by the fact that four other cast members (Pacino, Lee Strasberg, Michael Gazzo and Talia Shire) were nominated for Oscars that year.

Much has been written about the other elements of the film: the understated score, the magnificent cinematography, even the use of color and symbols throughout the film (the most famous example being that any time you see a Corleone and an orange in the same scene, somebody’s in trouble). Let’s not belabor the point any further: THE GODFATHER PART II is indeed a masterpiece, one that manages to add to its predecessor without suffering in the process. Very few sequels can manage that, and none of them match up to the standards Coppola set with this one-two punch about the Mafia. I don’t know that I’d want to see them again, as I’m still not enchanted with Mob flicks as a rule, but I’m glad I saw them at least once.